The other day I was laying on my play mat and swatting at that lousy parrot that continually mocks me with its dead eyes when I discovered something. My hands aren't just for grabbing things! They fit perfectly in my mouth! Why didn't anyone tell me about this?
Speaking of things no one told me, what's this I hear about the givernment (not a typo) taking more money out of my pocket to finance its hippie agenda? If I wanted to pay for every congressman to buy a tie dye shirt and listen to the Grateful Dead all day, I would have moved to Europe (where I assume such things occur regularly). I knew that we should have elected Optimus Prime.
Speaking of old toys from the 70s and 80s, I think I've found what I want for Christmas next year. I know we're still about ten months away, but I figure I can give all of you some advance notice. Take a look:
I know for a fact that they don't make these things anymore, but I'm pretty sure you can probably find Baby Laugh A Lot in your local pawnshop. Or in the deepest, darkest recesses of your basement, rocking backing and forth, and laughing at a joke no one told.
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