Christmas Q & A

Since so many of you seem so interested in everything I do, I've decided to add a new feature to the blog: a weekly Q & A. Because it is the first week of December, I thought it appropriate to field a few Christmas-related questions. So here we go:

Dear Lucy - Two weeks ago, you posted your Christmas 'Demands'. What, if anything, do you plan on doing for OTHERS this Christmas? Steve B., Dubuque, Iowa

Steve, I'll ignore the self-righteous tone of your question and get to the meat of my response:

1. Teach a crazy hobo the true meaning of Christmas through song and dance;
2. Enlarge my carbon footprint;
3. Continue my crusade to rid the world of hippies;
4. Allow the undeserving to hold me.

Lucy - OMG!!!!11 I luv^ you're bloggh!!!!@ Who do u l1ke bettr? Miley cyris or Highscool MuSicla?> Ashley A., San Bernardino, California

Ashley, you sicken me. Learn to type. And what does this have to do with Christmas, you mongoloid?

Dear Lucy - Do you believe in Santa Claus? Because some bullies in my school told me that Santa Claus died in Abu Ghraib. Jimmy K., Athens, Georgia.

Jimmy - I absolutely believe in Santa Claus. I heard the Abu Ghraib rumor too and I'm here to tell you that it's hogwash. No man-made prison can hold this guy:

Santa is safe and sound in the North Pole where he sits atop his throne fashioned from the bones of the naughty and judges us.

Well folks, that's it for this week's Q & A. Keep the questions coming. And remember: anyone can post questions in the comments section of this blog entry. If I deem you worthy of my time, perhaps I will respond.