LEBSAB 2008 Wrap-Up: Emptying the Mailbag

Over the next few days, I'll be wrapping up 2008.  There will be top ten lists, retrospectives, and maybe some hilarious bloopers (like that time I almost made a typo).  But first, I'm going to clean out the mailbag that I've ignored for the last 3 weeks.  Before I begin, let me just say that I am really, really disappointed at the questions I've been getting.  They are not thought-provoking in the least.  Take, for example, this one:

Lucy, you are such a Cute-a-saurus Rex!!!  Tell me your secret!  Jan G., Allentown, Pennsylvania.

Jan, my secret is that I'm not old and I can look at a box of chocolates without sucking it down like it contains the antidote.  I also don't live alone with only cats for company, like I assume you do.  So hit the treadmill, euthanize the cats, and make some friends.  I can't really help with the age thing, but at least it's a start.

Lucy, I am amazed at all of your pictures.  Tell me, do you ever take a bad picture?  Roberta H., Provo, Utah.

Roberta, the pictures you see on this blog are culled from thousands of other pictures that I find unsatisfactory in some way.  So the answer to your question is an unabashed 'yes'.  Here's one of my less flattering moments:  

Lucy, were you satisfied with what was left under your tree?  What was your favorite gift?  Dale K., Oshkosh, Wisconsin.

Dale, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed that Santa failed to live up to the hype.  Where was my chainsaw, fat man?  Still, I can't complain about the volume.  Behold:

It was quite the haul.  As for my favorite gift, that's an easy one.  It has to be I'd Really Like To Eat A Child by Sylviane Donnio and Dorothee De Monfreid.  It is the story of a little alligator named Achilles who won't eat all of his bananas.  Instead, Achilles seems to have acquired a taste for human flesh and he'd rather devour a child than eat the non-human food that his parents bring him.

I won't spoil the ending for you, but I really like where they are headed for the probable sequel.  God, I hope they manage to sign Rob Zombie to direct the film adaptation!

Lucy, how do you think the NFL playoffs will shake out?  If you were a betting baby, would you put money on the Colts to win it all?  Peyton M., Indianapolis, Indiana.

Peyton, sorry to disappoint you, but the Colts and Mahatma Dungy don't stand a chance.  Don't get me wrong, I'm sure the fix will be in and the calls will favor the Colts more often than not (see 2005 playoff game against the Steelers), but they are just too one-dimensional.  I see them beating the Chargers, but losing in the next round to either the Titans or the Steelers.  Still, you can count on being reminded of how classy an organization it is at least a half-dozen times during the broadcast of that game.  Even if Marvin Harrison decides to open fire on the opposing team a la Billy Cole in the The Last Boy Scout, the Colts will still be lauded as the face of the NFL by the pundits.  Titans are the safe bet, but if you're a bit of gambling man, put a few large on the Steelers.

Keep those questions coming!  And stay tuned as the LEBSAB 2008 Wrap-Up continues!