Walk and Roll

I just don't understand it. Everyone made such a big deal about me taking my first steps, and they encouraged me to keep practicing. They bribed me with Cheerios and juicey boxes. They even stooped low enough to steal my blankey from me and then set it on the other side of the room so I had to walk over there to retrieve it. But you know what? No matter how hard I practice, things like the above keep happening--I'll really get going, and then I'll trip and fall. Heck, I was even saying "mama" at the same time I was walking. But then BAM! I get introduced to the floor.

So I've decided that this whole walking thing is for suckers. I can get around much better by being carried. But I see long-term problems with always being carried. Someday, my mommy and daddy will be old and won't even know where they're at, let alone be able to carry me to the fridge so I can have get some animal crackers. Being the inquisitive little scamp that I am, I decided to put my mind to finding a solution to this problem.

It didn't take me long to discover the Sedan chair:

Traditionally, the luxury of being carried by others was reserved for emperors and other nobility. So I see absolutely no reason why I can't make this work for me.

In today's economy, I doubt it will be difficult to find four able-bodied individuals willing to carry me around on a Sedan chair. I'll be accepting applications until October 15, 2009. Please include your curriculum vitae, a 1000 word essay described your load-bearing experience (double spaced, 1 inch margins, and 12 point Times New Roman font), and a self-addressed stamped envelope.