Lucy's Electric Bubblegum Sing-Along Blog: The freedom of birds is an insult to me, too!!

The other day, my mommy took me to the zoo. You know what the best part was? It wasn't the monkeys. It wasn't the dolphins. It wasn't the lions. And it wasn't the horses. No, the best part was that all of these animals were in cages for my viewing pleasure. It brought to mind the following passage from Cormac McCarthy's Blood Meridian:

- The freedom of birds is an insult to me. I'd have them all in zoos.
- That would be a [heck] of a zoo.
The judge smiled. Yes, he said. Even so.

I totally agree with this! But enough about Cormac McCarthy and Judge Holden (who, I should note, was called the 'most frightening villain in all of American literature' by critic Harold Bloom). What I really want to tell you about is the new friend I made at the zoo. His name is Mr. Giraffe. He's pictured above, though I really can't tell him apart from Ned, his golfing buddy (also pictured above).

What follows is a rough transcript of our encounter.

Mr. Giraffe: Hello there. I am Mr. Giraffe.

Lucy: And my name is Human Baby. Why don't you level with me and tell me your real name, fella?

Mr. Giraffe (sadly): Mr. Giraffe is my real name.

Lucy: Really?

Mr. Giraffe: Yes. When the zoo people captured me in Africa, they thought it would be a good joke until someone could think of a real name. But Mr. Giraffe just kind of stuck.

Lucy: Wait, wait. Back up. You were captured? With a big net or what?

Mr. Giraffe: Well, it wasn't quite that simple. You see, the zoo people are tricky. They lured me into a clearing with the promise of acacia leaves. And then they shot me with a tranquilizer and dragged me onto a big truck. Next thing I know, I'm on a ship to America.

Lucy (eyes wide): That. Is. Awesome.

Mr. Giraffe: Well, not really. They took me away from my family and--

Lucy: Can you do any tricks? Like bounce a ball on your nose? Or maybe dance?

Mr. Giraffe: What? No. Giraffes don't do tricks. We're intelligent creatures that refuse to be humiliat--

Lucy (narrows eyes): Do a trick.

Mr. Giraffe: No.

Lucy: Do a trick or I'll tell everyone you bit me. And then they'll be shooting a lot more than tranquilizer into you.

Mr. Giraffe: That's preposterous. No would believe --

Lucy: An adorable little baby? Do a trick.

Mr. Giraffe: I will do no such thing.

Lucy: Fine. Have it your way. I wonder what giraffe-burgers taste like? I hear they taste a bit like ground sirloin.

Mr. Giraffe: Americans eat giraffe meat?

Lucy: We practically live on the stuff. In fact, I'm almost old enough to finally have a burger. By the time I'm ready, they'll probably be just about through processing your carcass. The timing here really might work out.

Mr. Giraffe: One trick.

Lucy: I've decided I want you to sing a song. Do you know any Toto?

Mr. Giraffe: This is humiliating.

Lucy: I bet you would go well with a side of fries.

Mr. Giraffe (in a wavering falsetto): I hear the drums echoing tonight / But she hears only whispers of some quiet conversation ...