Ghost Frog is wise.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm too hard on those people, states, and institutions on my enemy list. It's like I was telling my stuffed animal friends Raj and Ghost Frog the other day, life is too short to spend your days systematically eliminating your enemies. Maybe, I mused aloud, it's time to take down the Enemy List and move on. Maybe put up a Friend List instead. But Ghost Frog made a really good point. "Lucy," he said, "before you do anything rash, I want you to watch something." Then he showed me this video:

Thank you, Ghost Frog. The Enemy List stays.

I am PUMPED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I was just going about my daily routine--eating, sleeping, and playing with Raj, Ghost Frog, and some of my other stuffed animal friends--when I came across something that totally makes up for the Let The Right One In fiasco I documented the other night. Where the Wild Things Are is going to be a movie! And not just any movie - it is a collaboration between Spike Jonze (Being John Malkovich and Adaptation) and Dave Eggers (A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius; You Shall Know Our Velocity!; How We Are Hungry; and What is the What). HOLY CRAP! This is now my most highly anticipated movie of 2009. Watch the trailer below (you may have to watch a stupid 15 second commercial first, but I promise you that it is worth your time).

This is preposterous!

Remember back in January when I told you that you needed to see the Swedish movie Let the Right One In? Just to refresh your memory, it is the story of a young boy named Oskar who befriends a girl named Eli. She just happens to be a vampire. What else can I say about this movie? It is brilliant. And I don't toss that word around as if it were a sack of potatoes. In fact, I can count the number of brilliant things/people I've encountered on one hand:

1. Let The Right One In
2. Raj, my stuffed monkey
3. Troy Polamalu
4. Peek-A-Boo (it just never gets old!)

Anyway, the point of this post is to tell you NOT to rent the DVD version of Let the Right One In. Why? Well, let's just say that the subtitles in the DVD release are dramatically different than those in the theater version. By way of illustration, below is an early scene from the theater release in which Oskar meets Eli.

Now, for the DVD version:

Do you notice a difference? The language used in the DVD release version is way off--it's as if it was dumbed down. Here's another example, from that same scene

Now, for the DVD version:

There are more examples that I won't get into here, but rest assured that the whole DVD release is like this. What a bunch of crap! Does the studio think I am a moron? Is that why they're dumbing it down? Why else would they change the subtitles? And why would ANYONE think that the new subtitles are in any way an improvement over the old ones? It makes absolutely no sense to me. Someone really messed up on this one, and I expect heads to roll!

I called the studio to complain, but I was so angry that all I managed to do was slobber on the phone and roll over (I've been doing that a lot lately).

Post-St. Patrick's Day Mailbag

Lucy, are you aware that the title of your blog is a rip-off of a 40 minute short musical called Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog? And I'm pretty sure that it also rips off an old Tom Wolfe book. What do you have to say for yourself? Giancarlo T., Clearwater, Florida.

Giancarlo, I'm glad you brought this up. I became aware of Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog in early January, and I've been struggling with what to do. On the one hand, Joss Whedon hardly owns the words "Sing-Along Blog" (and I challenge his army of lawyers to prove me wrong). On the other hand, I really don't want people to think that I'm ripping off a second-rate talent like Whedon. So I briefly toyed with the idea of renaming the blog. But, after a little further investigation, I realized that Whedon himself was ripping off the Austin Grossman novel Soon I Will Be Invincible. All he did was add the musical element. So my blog's name will remain unchanged. If you think I ripped off Joss Whedon, so be it. Oh, and is Tom Wolfe that loser who always wears white suits?

Lucy, what did you give up for Lent and why? Joseph R., Vatican City

Well, Joseph, I don't believe I've given up anything. Do you know why? BECAUSE I AM NOT ALLOWED TO DO ANYTHING FUN IN THE FIRST PLACE. I can't eat meat. I can't ride a motorcycle. I can't drink coffee. I can't have candy. I can't bully anybody. I can't lie. I can't steal. What would you have me give up? Breathing? Eating? You have some nerve emailing me a question like that when it is abundantly clear that the only things I can give up are those necessary to my existence.

Lucy, are you excited about the EASTER BUNNY? Have your parents told you about him? He is a giant bunny that will come to your house on Easter morning while you're still sleeping and hide eggs everywhere. I bet you can't wait! Eleanor D., Stamford, CT.

Eleanor, are you kidding me? Of course I'm excited! I already have everything worked out. First, I'm going to lay out some carrots in our living room!

Once the Easter Bunny has broken into our home, I'm sure it'll make a mad dash for the carrots before he starts vandalizing the place. It probably won't even notice the giant cage I've rigged up directly above it.

I'll pull the cord and BAM! I've caught myself an Easter Bunny. I don't want to get into any more specifics of my plan, but I will say that it involves the following:

Happy St. Patrick's Day!!!

My trip to Notre Dame

Last week, I took a trip to the most glorious place on Earth. No, it wasn't Disney World, you churls. Don't even get me started on that monstrosity that they call a mascot.

That thing really puts me in a state of nervous restlessness.

Anyway, like I was saying, I went to the most glorious place on Earth: The University of Notre Dame. It was pretty much the best trip ever. The day started with a walk around campus. My mom pointed out important places like Knott Hall (where my mom and dad met), Keough Hall (where my dad busted skulls as an assistant rector), Cavanaugh Hall (where my dad led the Cavanaugh Chaos to victory after victory in flag football), the Basilica (where my mom and dad got married), Notre Dame Stadium (there is too much to put into a parenthetical here), and the Golden Dome (below).

Oh yeah, we saw my cousin Lauren too.

Then it was off to the Admissions Office to talk about my application for admission into the 2026-27 incoming freshman class. I've reproduced a transcript of that interview below.

Lucy: Good afternoon. I'm here for my interview with Mr. Dan Saracino.

Secretary: Um. Is he expecting you?

Lucy: He should be. He's had my application since July of last year.

Secretary: If you don't mind me asking ...

Lucy: Please. Go ahead.

Secretary: Well, you're, uh, a baby.

Lucy: That's really more an observation than a question. But yes. I'm a baby.

Secretary: How old are you?

Lucy: Four months.

Secretary: And Mr. Saracino has had your application since July?

Lucy: Ah. I see what you're getting at. I didn't have much to do in the womb, so I figured I'd get a jump on this admissions stuff.

Secretary (picking up phone): Mr. Saracino? There's a talking baby here to see you. Ok, I'll send her in. (turns to Lucy) Mr. Saracino will see you now. Do you, uh, need me to carry you in?

Lucy: That would be super.

(Secretary picks up Lucy and carries her into Dan Saracino's office.)

Dan: Lucy! It's a pleasure to meet you.

Lucy: The feeling is mutual, Mr. Saracino. Let me just start off by saying that I'm thrilled to be getting this process started early on. Getting early admission would really take the pressure off and I could just enjoy pre-school without worrying about college.

Dan: Well, I certainly appreciate your tenacity. But, I have to say, it would be highly unorthodox for us to admit a student who is not even a year old yet.

Lucy: I understand your concerns, but let me assure you that I would be an asset to the Class of 2030. I'm a natural leader, I'm an independent thinker, and I learned to talk almost as soon as I was born. Really, I'm the complete package.

Dan: But you're still a baby.

Lucy (narrows her eyes): Dan, I would really hate to label what you're saying as discriminatory. I really would. But that's what it sounds like to me. And I know the University strives to eliminate all forms of prejudice. And, I wasn't going to mention this, Dan. I really wasn't. But I have an open line of communication with the top administrators here at Notre Dame. I would really hate to let Fr. Jenkins know that he is employing an age-ist. The University has already been run through the ringer on that one once. Does the name Joe Moore mean anything to you, Dan?

Dan (stuttering): Well, of course I know that story. But I hardly see how that applies-

Lucy (cuts him off): You may not see, but I assure you that the media will. I'm not asking for a lot, Dan. Just give me my admissions letter. It's not like I don't deserve it.

Dan (realizes he's beaten and slowly picks up the phone): Jane, please print off an admission letter for the Class of 2030. Yes. 2030. I'll sign it in here.

Lucy: Have her bring in one of those stuffed Notre Dame bears too. And a new rattle.

Dan: And Jane? Be a dear and run over to the Bookstore. Pick up a a stuffed animal or two for the newest member of the class of 2030 here.

Lucy: And a rattle.

Dan (to Jane): And a rattle.

Public Service Announcement

It's time to take a brief breather from all the fun here at LEBSAB and address something serious for a change.  Some of you have asked about the little PayPal doohickey to your right.  Since you are all apparently too lazy to look this up on your own, I'll spell it out for you.

Second Story Indy, Inc., an Indiana nonprofit corporation, is a writing project serving kids, schools and community organizations in Indianapolis.  It is sort of like Dave Eggers' 826 Valencia program, but minus the smarminess.  Second Story just finished its pilot program at a near eastside Indianapolis public school.  The end result of that pilot program is a book called  Hot Baked Cheetos and Other Things We Like About Indianapolis, a collection of short pieces authored by students in Mrs. Keown's fourth grade class.  It is available at Amazon.com (follow the link) and at local Indianapolis book stores. 

If you're more interested in supporting Second Story than paying off your irresponsible neighbor's mortgage, you can donate to Second Story via the PayPal link.  It is an exempt organization under 26 U.S.C. 501(c)(3), so your donation is tax deductible (that is, until Barry Obama makes it so charitable gifts are no longer tax deductible).

Or, if you'd rather get something in exchange for your money, clear your calendar for next Friday's Second Story fundraiser at the Harrison Center for the Arts.  There will be readings from local superstars John Green and Sarah Layden, along with music from the Tonos Triad.

By now, you're probably asking yourself why Lucy cares about something like this.  It doesn't involve meat products, Notre Dame football, Pittsburgh Steeler football, or Kung Fu.  The answer is because my dad is the treasurer of Second Story, and he would really like it if he could say that they've raised enough money in the first quarter of 2009 to sustain the organization through 2010 and beyond.

Solid food is apparently not all it is cracked up to be

I went to the doctor today for a check-up and some shots.  I was going about my business, laughing and smiling, when this hack physician suddenly poked me with a needle for absolutely no reason.  I hadn't even insulted her yet, and she saw fit to jab me.  I turned to her and unleashed a furious scream the likes of which she has never heard.  Terrified, she stumbled backwards, mumbling that she was sorry.  I was about to really rip into her when she said the magic words to my mom: "I think you can start Lucy on solid food."

I had my first dinner all planned out by the time I was in my carseat: 

I could almost taste the juicy goodness, and I was doubly excited when we pulled into Target to pick up the ingredients.  But my mom skipped right over the meat aisle.  And the cheese aisle.  I was starting to get nervous.  My worst fears were realized when she picked up a box of something called Earth's Best Organic Whole Grain Rice Cereal.  Do I look like a granola eating hippie to you?  Well, apparently my mom thinks I do, because that slop was my meal tonight.  She mixed it with milk, so it turned into some sort of disgusting warm gruel.  It was like eating a bowl of mucus.  

And, to top it off, my parents actually filmed the whole affair!