Working On A Dream

It is a little known fact that I attended my first Bruce Springsteen concert at the very young age of -8 months. At the concert, I witnessed the single greatest show I'm ever likely to see. From Stevie Van Zandt and his bandana to Clarence Clemons and his saxophone to Nils Lofrgren and his face-melting guitar solo on "Prove It All Night" (see below) to the Boss himself, I couldn't have been happier.

So when I was born, I expected it would be at least another year or two before the Boss put out another album. Imagine my surprise when I heard that he was releasing Working On A Dream just months after ending his last tour.

I gave the album a few listens and I think it is a remarkable effort. Its optimism and hope stand in stark contrast to the pessimism and anger that dominated Magic, his last album. Also, it is much, much better than the Wiggles and that crap music from Veggie Tales.

In between eating, napping, and occasionally rolling over, I took the time to analyze each song and write 13 mini-reviews which I will now share with you.

1. "Outlaw Pete" is an Old West ballad set to music reminiscent of the Kiss song "I Was Made For Loving You". On my first listen, I thought it was kind of a silly way to open the album. The song starts "He was born a little baby on the Appalachian Trail / At six months old he'd done three months in jail." Wow, I thought to myself, this isn't the same Springsteen whose anger was almost palpable on his last album. On my second listen through, I realized that there is a lot more to this song than babies robbing banks. The refrain "I'm Outlaw Pete, I'm Outlaw Pete / Can you hear me? / Can you hear me?" slowly transforms from a boast into a plaintive wail and one can't help but wonder if Outlaw Pete might represent America itself. This interpretation might seem a bit heavy-handed (it certainly did to me), but it does seem to hold water in light of lines like "Dan smiled as he lay in his own blood dying in the sun / Whispered in Pete's ear 'We cannot undo these things we've done'" Or maybe it's just a story about an outlaw who tries to settle down but finds that he cannot change what he is. Grade: 10/10.


2. In "My Lucky Day", Springsteen gives us a great rocker that easily could have fit on an album like Born to Run. It definitely is true that this song is not without subtext, but what is really noteworthy about this song is the sax solo by Clarence Clemons. If I could stand, I would probably dance around to this song. As it is, I just flail my arms and kick when it's played. Grade: 8/10.


3. In the title track, "Working On A Dream", we get one of the most overtly political songs on the album. But I have to give Bruce credit. Where other idiot entertainers simply bash Bush because it is fashionable, Bruce merely reaffirms that he is, and will continue to, work on the American dream. The title alone suggests that he understands that his vision of America will likely not be accomplished via a single election but is rather the continuing responsibility of us all. In fact, one might even infer that the dream can never be fully realized. We can only work at it. And maybe that's enough. Grade: 9/10.


4. For the fourth track, Bruce gives us another ostensibly silly song in "Queen of the Supermarket". I find the lyrics to this song generic. I even find the subject matter a bit generic (Bruce is in love with the checkout girl at his supermarket). The end of the song, however, dispenses with the genericness and uses the only swear word on the whole album. I won't type it here because my dad says I am not allowed to use it unless Notre Dame is playing. Despite my complaints, I have to admit that this song is growing on me, though I'm still trying to puzzle out its meaning. Grade: 7/10.


5. We return to rocking with "What Love Can Do". Bruce opens with the lines "There's a pillar in the temple where I carved your name / There's a soul sitting sad and blue" and you immediately know you're in for a treat. It is easy to lose the lyrics in this one, but after a few listens I consider this song somewhat of a sequel to The Rising's "Worlds Apart". The imagery is suggestive of the Middle East and, although no characters are named in either song, it is easy enough to make the leap that we're catching up with some old friends introduced to us in "Worlds Apart". Putting all the speculation regarding meaning aside, I really like this song. I like it so much that I usually play air guitar and drool when it comes on. Grade: 10/10


6. "This Life" is the weakest effort on the album. I don't really dig the astronomy angle that the lyrics take and there is very little rocking going on in this song. It made me want to cry out of frustration. So I did. Ask my parents. Grade: 3/10


7. In "Good Eye", we get a swampy rocker with distorted vocals. The lyrics are sparse ("I was standing by the river where the cold black water runs / I had my good eye to the dark and my blind eye to the sun"), but this song makes me feel like I'm back in the Louisiana swampland where I hunted gators and waged a war with the law. Mercifully, I left that life behind long ago. Now it's all teddy bears and feetie pajamas for me! Grade: 9/10.


8. Bruce Springsteen takes a page out of Son Volt's book when he sings the folksy "Tomorrow Never Knows". The song seems light and breezy, but when you actually listen to the lyrics, you can't help but think that something sinister is going on. Lyrics like "In the field your long hair flowed / Down by the Tildenberry tracks / There 'neath the water tower / I carried you on my back / Over the rusted spikes of that highway of steel / Where no more thunder sounds" have a decidely apocalyptic feel that seems a bit out of place with the hopefulness on display in the majority of the album. This one is a bit of a head-scratcher for me, but I like it. Grade: 7/10.


9. If I had to describe the song "Life Itself" in one word, that word would be "haunting". Like the song before it, there is some disturbing imagery. This is another catchy song with dark undertones. The Boss is tricky! Grade: 7/10.


10. "Kingdom of Days" is a song that just doesn't do it for me. The lyrics are again generic, but, unlike "Queen of the Supermarket", I don't think this is on purpose. I could have done without this song entirely. Grade: 2/10.


11. Thankfully, the next song is "Surprise, Surprise". It may be devoid of deeper meaning, but it is catchy and light. I imagine this one would be a crowd favorite if he decides to play it live. Grade: 7/10.


12. The album takes a somber turn with "The Last Carnival". Bruce treats us to the image of a carnival in the midst of shutting down and moving on to the next town without Billy, a key member who has gone missing. One can't help but view this song as a tribute to the late Danny Federici who died shortly after playing his last song with the E Street Band last March. Good stuff here. Grade: 9/10.


13. Bruce closes the album with the song "The Wrestler". Bruce wrote this at the request of Mickey Rourke and it plays at the end of the movie of the same name. This is an acoustic ballad that would have been at home on albums like The Ghost of Tom Joad or Devils and Dust. The lyrics are taut and dominated by powerful images ("Have you ever seen a scarecrow filled with nothing but dust and weeds / If you've ever seen that scarecrow then you've seen me / Have you ever seen a one armed man punchin' at nothing but the breeze / If you've ever seen a one armed man then you've seen me"). This, along with "Outlaw Pete", is Springsteen at his best. Grade: 10/10.

So the bottomline is that you should go out and buy this album. I don't give many products my seal of approval, but this album, misfires and all, is worth your time. Other things that have recently earned my seal of approval include my teddy bear Thomas and my pajamas that have reindeer on the feet. Those things are crazy!

I am furious

Over the weekend, I had the chance to see The Wrestler, Darren Aronofsky's unflinching look at the life of aging, broken down professional wrestler Randy "The Ram" Robinson (Mickey Rourke, seen below performing his finishing move, the Ram Jam). And you know what? It makes me want to throw around words like 'brilliant' and 'stunning' and 'elegiac'. But those words don't capture the sheer power of this movie. Surely, I thought to myself, this movie will sweep the Oscars.

But then I realized that it won't. And do you know why? BECAUSE IT WASN'T NOMINATED. No Best Picture, no Best Cinematography, no Best Director, no Best Screenplay. Sure, Mickey Rourke and Marisa Tomei got nominated for Best Actor in a Leading Role and Best Actress in a Supporting Role, but this movie deserves so much more.

I know the Oscars have a history of just plain getting it wrong. Chicago. Titanic. The English Patient. Shakespeare in Love. A Beautiful Mind. Million Dollar Baby. And don't even get me started on Crash. That very well may have been the worst movie of 2006. To not even nominate The Wrestler for awards that it so clearly deserves frustrates me to no end.

Lucy, you say, how can you possibly say that this movie deserves recognition when you haven't even seen the other nominees? That's easy. Because The Wrestler is objectively the greatest movie of the 21st century.

So, in response to its failure to recognize objective greatness, I am adding the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences to my Enemy List. God help the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences if I ever run into its collective membership in a dark alley, because if I do, I will treat each of them to some facetime with Sweet Lady Brick.

Oh, and in case you are wondering, I am removing my bookie, Lenny Grabowski, from the Enemy List because we've reconciled and he's agreed to allow me to bet the balance of my 529 Plan on a Steelers' victory this weekend in Tampa.

Is the economy fixed yet?

I spent yesterday glued to the TV as I watched the Oscars the Inauguration of Barack Obama. Now, you may have guessed my political leanings from some of the content on this blog. And it's true. If it were up to me, we'd close the borders, allow cops to shoot fleeing suspects, pave the rainforests, and abolish all of this "foreign aid" nonsense we keep getting mixed up in.

But I'm not here to bash Barack Obama. I'm here to wish him success in his role as President of the United States because I am able to set aside my own ideologies and respect our system of government and the will of the American people. Unlike some people. I'm looking at you, George Clooney. And you, Sean Penn. And you, Madonna. And you, Oprah.

So good luck, Mr. President. If, by chance, you are reading this blog, please consider creating and appointing me to at least one of the following positions in your cabinet:

1. Secretary of Afternoon Naps


2. Secretary of Butt-Kicking


3. Secretary of Hippie Extermination

As a gesture of goodwill, I would also like to serenade you with a song written by a true American. You'll notice that I'm not wearing a big stupid bow like Aretha Franklin did yesterday. Anyway, here we go. Ahem.

I'm gonna rise up

I'm gonna kick a little butt

I'm gonna kick some butt in the U.S.A.

I'm gonna climb a mountain

I'm gonna sew a flag

I'm gonna fly on an eagle

I'm gonna kick some butt

I'm gonna drive big trucks

I'm gonna rule this world

I'm gonna kick some butt

I'm gonna rise up

Gonna kick a little butt

Rock on flyin' eagle!

YOI AND DOUBLE YOI!!!! Pittsburgh's going to the Super Bowl!

I have to admit that it got a bit tense there for a while.  When Big Ben mismanaged the clock at the end of the first half, I got frustrated and probably yelled some things at him that I shouldn't have (see above).  But they pulled it out in the end and I'm very excited that the Steelers will be playing in my first Super Bowl ever.  In your face, rest of the AFC!!!  It is great to be a Steelers fan.We have the number one defense, the best linebacking corps, the best safety to ever play the game, and, most importantly, the most awesome mascot in Steely McBeam.  

Just look at that guy!  Nothing says intimidating like a wild-eyed, unshaven steelworker carrying around an I-beam.  And what's even scarier is that you can be like 95% sure that this guy was probably just laid off and told his job was going to China.  Guys like this are unpredictable.  He could snap at any moment and just start swinging that I-beam at the first person who looks at him cross-ways.  This is why Steely McBeam is no longer welcome in at least four major metropolitan areas in the United States.  

But he'll be going to Tampa in two weeks!

I absolutely LOVE American Idol

That's right. I am not ashamed. I think that American Idol may be one of the most important television shows in the history of the medium. Why, you ask? Well, it's not because it identifies "talent" (if you want to call that gnome David Archuleta talented). Rather, it goes to great lengths to let the untalented know that they are, in fact, not talented. And this is important because there are plenty of untalented people in this world who need to be told that their dreams are a farce. Katherine Heigl, for example (see below).

Close your eyes for a moment, if you will, and imagine a world where the untalented run amok in the streets, following their dreams of becoming actors or musicians. This is the very world that we must avoid creating! Sure, it may seem all puppy dogs and dandelions at first. The horror of it only sets in when you actually stop and think about it. Who would bus your table at TGI Friday's? Who would answer the call "Clean-up in Aisle 9" at the supermarket? With the untalented out trying to follow their dreams, the answer is NO ONE.

Some people--hippies, mostly--just don't get it. Everyone has a right to their dreams, they say. Well, I have a right to have a hot pizza delivered to my doorstep! And who would do that if everyone was busy following their dreams?

Even though Europeans give me the heebie-jeebies, I think it is time for us to recognize Simon Cowell for the invaluable service his television show provides our country. He single-handedly crushes dreams on a daily basis and I, for one, think we all need to act a little more like Simon Cowell in our daily interactions. No more coddling, no more expectations-adjusting. Just cold, hard, psyche-crushing truth.

So get out there and make an effort! Tell someone who's been told "Yes, you can!" all their lives that no, in fact, they cannot.

Here We Go Steelers!

The Steelers play the Chargers at 4:30 today.  As you can see, I'm all dressed and ready to go.  I even have my mean football face on!  GRRRRRR!!!!!

And I've been singing the 2008 Steelers Polka all morning.

Da-Da-Da-Da-Ta-Da - Charge!

We're from the town with that great football team, 
We cheer the Pittsburgh Steelers. 
Tomlin and all his friends are all on the field. 
Go out and get them Steelers. 

Parker, and Hines, and Roethlisberger 
We love you Pittsburgh Steelers. 
It's been many years in coming, 
just keep that Steelers machinery humming 

Defense, Defense, make them scramble, intercept that ball. 
Defense, Defense, keeps the Steelers always best of all! 
Polamalu, do your thing against the other team, 
You start from year to year, we're so glad you play here, 
Now join with me, and sing the Steelers cheer! 

We're from the town with that great football team, 
We cheer the Pittsburgh Steelers. 
Winning's a habit, not only a dream, 
Go out and get them Steelers! 

Millier's Militia is here for the show, 
and so is Parker's Army, 
It's been many years in coming, 
just keep that Steelers machinery humming.

Offense, Offense, take that football whole way up the field! 
Offense, Offense, let's score and score and never ever yield!
Parker, Parker, can you believe we have a running game?

The Steelers are so great, and so hard to overrate,
Good things, will come, to those who work and wait.

Charge!

A New Year, A New You

Everywhere I go, people constantly ask me: "Lucy, what is your New Year's resolution?" Up until today, I would dismissively wave my hand at these people and say "Off with you!" or "Can it, fattie!" But then I realized that this was an opportunity to actually better myself and accomplish some great things in 2009. Some of the more self-absorbed babies I know have resolved to lose a few ounces so that they can squeeze back into their 0-3 months clothes. Others have resolved to learn to walk and still others have resolved to learn the English language.

Of course, these aren't real resolutions. The fat babies will stay fat, the uncoordinated babies will continue to flail helplessly on the floor, and the dumb babies will continue to make a mess of the English language. With all of this in mind, I sat down and spent some time reflecting on what I want to accomplish in 2009. And you know what? It's going to be tough. But mark my words, I will be successful.

First, I resolved to actually make use of all the toys people have bought me. I considered giving them to the less fortunate or maybe even just sharing them with others. But none of this struck me as quite right. Instead, I decided to disassemble all the dollies that everyone bought me and I built this:

After accomplishing my first resolution, I decided that I was really getting the hang of this resolution thing, so here are the rest:

1. In 2009, I resolve to make amends with Lenny Grabowski and rekindle our bookie-gambler relationship.


2. In 2009, I resolve to consume an entire pepperoni and sausage pizza in under an hour.


3. In 2009, I resolve to be more direct with people and tell them what I really think.


4. In 2009, I resolve to finally get my concealed weapons permit.

LEBSAB 2008 Wrap-Up: The Best of 2008

We're now a week into January and the post-Christmas malaise is starting to wear off of everyone. This was particularly exciting to me because I thought it meant that I don't have to wear any more ridiculous outfits that make me look like a complete fool. Boy, was I wrong (see above).

Anyway, I know I promised you top ten lists, but the truth is that I find top ten lists tiresome. And I don't owe you anything. Still, I do feel compelled to educate you all on what is good entertainment considering that most of you probably have hard time deciding which movie was better: Eagle Eye or National Treasure 2 (the answer is neither - they both suck equally).

Stuff I saw in 2008 that I liked and you should see too.

If you take no other recommendation I make here today seriously, at least do me a favor and watch The Wire. All five seasons. From beginning to end. It is simply the best thing ever aired on television ever. Better than the moon landing even. I know what you're likely thinking -- and yes, it is better than Friends. Wait, let me put this in a language you Friends fans will understand. It is SO better than Friends. Now just imagine Chandler saying that and I'm sure you'll understand.

I also managed to catch a great Swedish vampire movie called Let The Right One In. It should be out on DVD soon and I recommend you give it a chance. Tomas Alfredson gets wonderfully understated performances from his actors and I think this is a legitimate contender for Best Foreign Language Film of the Year. But I'm sure it won't get a nomination because the Oscar Committee likes to award movies that deal with incredibly boring subjects like knitting or Victorian England.

Last, you should rent Death Race. It might not be the best movie ever made, but it has Jason Statham beating the crap out of people and also manages to get Joan Allen to utter some very un-Joan-Allen-like lines.

The Best Youtube Video of the Year

Stuff I Read in 2008 that I liked and you should read too

When you're a baby, you get lots of books. Books of all kinds. Pop-up books. Picture books. Coloring books. This is all fine. But lately, I've really been into Southern fiction. Cormac McCarthy, Barry Hannah, William Gay and other writers of their ilk. I've already sung Cormac McCarthy's praises on this blog, so I'm going to recommend something a bit different: I Hate to See That Evening Sun Go Down. William Gay wrote this book of short stories and it is really good. I know Oprah is not recommending it and that probably decreases the chance you'll ever go pick this book up by at least 80%, but I'm going to keep recommending it until someone takes me seriously.

I'm also a really, really big fan of any book with pictures of doggies in them. Their tails crack me up!

LEBSAB 2008 Wrap-Up: Emptying the Mailbag

Over the next few days, I'll be wrapping up 2008.  There will be top ten lists, retrospectives, and maybe some hilarious bloopers (like that time I almost made a typo).  But first, I'm going to clean out the mailbag that I've ignored for the last 3 weeks.  Before I begin, let me just say that I am really, really disappointed at the questions I've been getting.  They are not thought-provoking in the least.  Take, for example, this one:

Lucy, you are such a Cute-a-saurus Rex!!!  Tell me your secret!  Jan G., Allentown, Pennsylvania.

Jan, my secret is that I'm not old and I can look at a box of chocolates without sucking it down like it contains the antidote.  I also don't live alone with only cats for company, like I assume you do.  So hit the treadmill, euthanize the cats, and make some friends.  I can't really help with the age thing, but at least it's a start.

Lucy, I am amazed at all of your pictures.  Tell me, do you ever take a bad picture?  Roberta H., Provo, Utah.

Roberta, the pictures you see on this blog are culled from thousands of other pictures that I find unsatisfactory in some way.  So the answer to your question is an unabashed 'yes'.  Here's one of my less flattering moments:  

Lucy, were you satisfied with what was left under your tree?  What was your favorite gift?  Dale K., Oshkosh, Wisconsin.

Dale, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed that Santa failed to live up to the hype.  Where was my chainsaw, fat man?  Still, I can't complain about the volume.  Behold:

It was quite the haul.  As for my favorite gift, that's an easy one.  It has to be I'd Really Like To Eat A Child by Sylviane Donnio and Dorothee De Monfreid.  It is the story of a little alligator named Achilles who won't eat all of his bananas.  Instead, Achilles seems to have acquired a taste for human flesh and he'd rather devour a child than eat the non-human food that his parents bring him.

I won't spoil the ending for you, but I really like where they are headed for the probable sequel.  God, I hope they manage to sign Rob Zombie to direct the film adaptation!

Lucy, how do you think the NFL playoffs will shake out?  If you were a betting baby, would you put money on the Colts to win it all?  Peyton M., Indianapolis, Indiana.

Peyton, sorry to disappoint you, but the Colts and Mahatma Dungy don't stand a chance.  Don't get me wrong, I'm sure the fix will be in and the calls will favor the Colts more often than not (see 2005 playoff game against the Steelers), but they are just too one-dimensional.  I see them beating the Chargers, but losing in the next round to either the Titans or the Steelers.  Still, you can count on being reminded of how classy an organization it is at least a half-dozen times during the broadcast of that game.  Even if Marvin Harrison decides to open fire on the opposing team a la Billy Cole in the The Last Boy Scout, the Colts will still be lauded as the face of the NFL by the pundits.  Titans are the safe bet, but if you're a bit of gambling man, put a few large on the Steelers.

Keep those questions coming!  And stay tuned as the LEBSAB 2008 Wrap-Up continues!