A New Year, A New You

Everywhere I go, people constantly ask me: "Lucy, what is your New Year's resolution?" Up until today, I would dismissively wave my hand at these people and say "Off with you!" or "Can it, fattie!" But then I realized that this was an opportunity to actually better myself and accomplish some great things in 2009. Some of the more self-absorbed babies I know have resolved to lose a few ounces so that they can squeeze back into their 0-3 months clothes. Others have resolved to learn to walk and still others have resolved to learn the English language.

Of course, these aren't real resolutions. The fat babies will stay fat, the uncoordinated babies will continue to flail helplessly on the floor, and the dumb babies will continue to make a mess of the English language. With all of this in mind, I sat down and spent some time reflecting on what I want to accomplish in 2009. And you know what? It's going to be tough. But mark my words, I will be successful.

First, I resolved to actually make use of all the toys people have bought me. I considered giving them to the less fortunate or maybe even just sharing them with others. But none of this struck me as quite right. Instead, I decided to disassemble all the dollies that everyone bought me and I built this:

After accomplishing my first resolution, I decided that I was really getting the hang of this resolution thing, so here are the rest:

1. In 2009, I resolve to make amends with Lenny Grabowski and rekindle our bookie-gambler relationship.


2. In 2009, I resolve to consume an entire pepperoni and sausage pizza in under an hour.


3. In 2009, I resolve to be more direct with people and tell them what I really think.


4. In 2009, I resolve to finally get my concealed weapons permit.