Don't be an Avatard.

I know that I've already reviewed Avatar.  And I thought I'd said what I had to say about it.  But then the piece of crap goes and starts winning awards, and everybody in Hollywood starts falling all over themselves to make every movie in 3D.  Still, I was going to let it go.  After all, I'm just 14 months old.  What do I know about the movie industry?  More than you might think, actually.  I know a good movie when I see it.  And Avatar wasn't it.

So why am I so fired up, you ask?  Shouldn't I be playing with Emilio and Esteban?  Shouldn't I be walking on the treadmill?  Shouldn't I be learning how to say things other than "hi", "dada", and "ba"?  All of that can wait!  This needs to be said now.

James Cameron is a hack.

People who like Avatar are idiots.

2009 saw not just one great science fiction movie released.  It saw two.  And both were from first time directors.  The higher profile of the two was Neil Blomkamp's District 9.

District 9 was made for just over $30 million dollars and asks what would happen if one million extraterrestrial refugees were stranded in Johannesburg, South Africa.  The answer probably doesn't surprise you, but the movie takes a tired allegorical premise and makes it completely enjoyable.  Sure, the movie has stuff to say about apartheid (it's no accident that it takes place in Johannesburg), but it also has a lot to say about aliens blowing people up with totally awesome weapons.  It's funny, sad, and action-packed.  And it was made for about 1/10th of the budget of Avatar.

The second great science fiction movie of 2009 was Duncan Jones' Moon.

Moon was made for $5 million dollars, and it may very well be the best picture of the year.  Sam Bell (played by the criminally underrated Sam Rockwell) is a solitary lunar employee nearing the end of his three stint harvesting a new form of energy from the lunar soil.  His only companion is GERTY, a robotic assistant reminiscent of HAL from 2001: A Space Odyssey (but don't worry, this ain't 2001: A Space Odyssey, and no one will flash random patterns of light at you for ten minutes).  During his last several days on the dark side of the moon, Sam begins to experience a series of personal crises that I don't want to spoil here.  My only advice to you is this:  watch it.    It was made for 1/60th of the budget of Avatar.

I've spelled it out for you.  I've done the math for you.  For what it cost to make Avatar, we could have had 10 movies like District 9.  We could have had 60 movies like Moon.  But instead we got $300 million dollars' worth of 12 foot tall noble, blue cat-monkeys worshipping a tree and some mixed message about how technology is bad despite the fact that the whole point of the movie is to showcase the advanced technology used to make it.  Huh?

I'll get off my soapbox now.  It's late, and I have a long day ahead of me.  Tomorrow's Saturday, and that means daddy's home.  And that means I'm going to have to spend the whole day entertaining him.  I would never tell him this, but at about 3 o'clock on days like tomorrow, I just start counting the minutes until it's his bedtime.  I mean, I can only take everything out of the cupboard and spill uncooked rice everywhere so many times.  It just gets exhausting after awhile.

Avatards are everywhere, not just in Hollywood.

Your neighbor could be one.  Or your mother. 

There could be an Avatard in your home right now.