It turns out that mommy is not a terrorist after all

Being a kid is rough.  People just assume that you know basic things.  Take snow, for example.  No one ever bothered to tell me what that stuff was.  So it's only natural that I got curious over the last week or so.  I would look out the window and watch this strange white powder fall from the sky. 

There had to be an explanation!  And, after lots of thought and analysis, I reached the only reasonable conclusion I could reach given my limited understanding of how the world works. 

It was anthrax, and the terrorists were dumping it all over my yard.  But why?

Then the pieces started to fall into place.  It was an inside job orchestrated by none other than mommy. 

Oh, I was surprised too.  She seems so sweet and loving when you meet her.  But that's exactly what a double-agent terrorist would have you believe.  They gain your trust, and then WHAM, terror is knocking at your front door.

The missing piece of the puzzle was mommy's endgame.  Was it simply to elicit terror?  What could she possibly have to gain by aligning herself with the enemy?  Money?  Unlikely.  She seems to have a limitless supply of that on a little plastic card she keeps in her wallet.  Power?  Perhaps.  But to what end?

Questions abounded, and answers were few and far between.

Just as my suspicions were reaching their zenith, my mommy and my daddy bundled me all up and took me outside.  At first I thought it was just another routine trip, but as soon as they put on my mittens and boots, I realized that this was no ordinary trip to the gas station to buy scratch-offs and butane. 

They intended to put me IN the anthrax!

Unconscionable!  I started to scream in--you guessed it--terror.  I was scared and I felt betrayed, especially by daddy.  How could he be in on this?  Was he a terrorist too?  Mommy, I could buy.  But not daddy.

Anyway, as I'm sure you figured out by now, it wasn't anthrax on the ground.  It was snow.  And you know what?  Snow ain't that much fun.  It's cold.  It stings.  It's slippery.  If I wanted to get frostbite, I'd hang out in the freezer.

So, yes, mommy isn't a terrorist.  But believe you me, this whole incident is going in the dossier I keep on her.