The Sheraton "Hawai'i" Bowl?????

Notre Dame finishes its regular season with a record of 6-6 and it gets rewarded with a trip to Hawaii (or "Hawai'i", as the leftist media likes to call it)? I haven't been around for a very long time, so the ways of the world are somewhat mysterious to me. To compensate, I look to Notre Dame football for life lessons and here is what I've learned so far:

1. I don't need to work or even be remotely competent at anything to become a millionaire (lesson learned from Lionel Tyrone Willingham).


2. It's OK to blame my problems on youth and inexperience (lesson learned from Charlie Weis).


3. I can underachieve in the classroom and on the field and then be given a trip to Honolulu (lesson learned from 2008 Notre Dame Football Team).

What I really don't understand is why Notre Dame even agreed to play "Hawai'i". Everyone knows that Polynesians are really good at football. Frankly, I don't see any scenario in which ND pulls this one off. Unless, of course, Santa Claus intervenes. So I turn my head up to you, Fat Man.

That's right. I'm looking to cut a deal with you, Santa. I understand that if I promise to be good next year, then you'll grant my Christmas wish. Well, I promise to be good. In exchange, I ask that you use your magic to transform Jimmy Clausen into a serviceable quarterback or grant Charlie Weis the knowledge needed to develop some semblance of a running game or poison all the pineapples at the "Hawai'i" Warriors team luau the night before. I don't care how you do it, Santa. Please, just let the Irish win.

But I'm warning you, St. Nick. Don't doublecross me. Just ask Lenny Grabowski.