My bookie better pay up!

Since I've been born, people have been giving me all manner of gifts. Stuffed animals, toys, clothes, books. You name it, I got it. And what did I do with all of this stuff? I did what any red-blooded American would do. I pawned it all and put the cash on the Steelers to beat the Chargers last weekend. This was a no-brainer, mostly because Philip Rivers (pictured above) is the Chargers' QB and he is worthless. As I'm sure you've heard by now, the final score of the game was 11-10 and the line was -4 in favor of Pittsburgh. The Steelers won but didn't cover. Normally, I'd just go along my merry way and find some other stuff to pawn for next week's games, but this is a unique situation. You see, with less than five seconds left in the game, the Chargers made a desperate attempt for a last second TD and Troy Polamalu, being the Polynesian god that he is, intercepted a lateral and returned it for a touchdown. That would have made the score 17-10. The Steelers would have covered and I would have been PAID. But then, in what the NFL has since called a 'mistake', the refs overturned the play and the final score was 11-10.

And now my bookie won't pay up. He says that rules are rules and just keeps wishing me better luck next time. Well, I got news for you, Lenny. There ain't gonna be a next time unless you pay up. You hear me, you brain-dead schmuck?! YOU. WILL. PAY. ME. If you don't, then guess what? You'll be seeing this face everywhere you go:

I'm going to be on you like spit-up on my burping cloth. You won't be able to go anywhere in this town without seeing me in your rear-view mirror. I will haunt you. Do you hear me? You will not get a moment's rest until you PAY ME what is MINE. Oh, you think I'm kidding? Go ahead outside and look at your car.

That's right. I torched your ride. Don't test me, Lenny. It's not worth it.