LOBSTER ATTACK!!!!!!!!!

Tonight was my first Friday night at home. I was looking forward to a nice relaxing evening. Maybe watch a little Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader, maybe play a little Jenga. But then lobsters showed up at our house! They were ostensibly for Uncle Rick's birthday. Before I could figure out what was going on, they escaped and wreaked havoc in our kitchen.

And the worst part? Like braying fools, my family stood there laughing the whole time while these disgusting creatures attacked my doggy. It isn't funny, Uncle Rick. Seriously, what are these people thinking? We're not running a branch of Japanese Bug Fights out of our kitchen (that I'm aware of).

With Bailey so frightened that she wouldn't come out from under the table, I knew it was time to take matters into my own hands. Someone had to take care of business and that someone was me. It was a long and brutal battle, but my cat-like reflexes and my encyclopedic knowledge of Dragon Style Kung Fu (which focuses mainly on powerful, short range attacks, as is common among southern Chinese styles of kung fu, and features leg work characterized by a zig-zag motion that mimics the imagined movement of the mythical Chinese dragon) gave me a decided advantage over the lobsters. Of course, they had the numbers advantage. But it's like Kellen Winslow says, I'm a soldier. But unlike Kellen Winslow, I actually can back up my talk (see below):