My First Election Day

I won't be able to vote until at least 2026, but I think I'm getting the hang of this politics stuff. You take your opponent's position, mischaracterize it using scare words like "socialist" or "George W. Bush", and then you make vague statements about why you are better suited for the position.

Just yesterday, John McCain came to Indianapolis and had the following to say:

"Barack Obama wants to be the 'Redistributor-in-Chief', I want to be the Commander-in-chief!"

"Barack Obama wants to punish the successful, I want to make everyone successful."

"Barack Obama wants to serve you your pizza cold, I want to serve it to you hot. And made to order!"

And then I saw a Barack Obama commercial where ominous music plays and it shows George W. Bush and John McCain laughing together in someone's rearview mirror. I wasn't entirely clear on what he was trying to say, but I'm pretty sure it boiled down to "John McCain and George W. Bush want to kill you."

With all this in mind, I'd like to throw my hat into the ring for the 2044 presidential election. I'm undecided on my running mate, but I'm leaning towards Aloysius Snuffleupagus. I realize that this might be a controversial choice given his position that police officers should be allowed to shoot fleeing suspects and his well-documented disdain for Eastern Europe, but I think Snuffy is a guy you want on your side in a fight. Plus, I could put a saddle on him and ride him wherever I want to go. If everyone owned a Snuffleupagus to ride, it would go a long way to reducing our dependence on foreign oil. See what I did there? I just gave you a sneak peak at my energy policy.